Thirteen Funny Quotations...
1. "Life is like a dogsled team, If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes" - Lewis Grizzard
2. "After three divorces I resolve to never get married again. I will simply find a woman I hate and buy her a house." - Lewis Grizzard
3. "There are few things that are so unpardonably neglected in our country as poker. The upper class knows very little about it. Now and then you find ambassadors who have sort of a general knowledge of the game, but the ignorance of the people is fearful. Why, I have known clergymen, good men, kind-hearted, liberal, sincere, and all that, who did not know the meaning of a "flush." It is enough to make one ashamed of one's species." - Mark Twain
4. "If you work without a shirt on and so does your husband, you might be a redneck." - Jeff Foxworthy
5. "God, she's growing up, and I don't know when it happened, man. I used to buy her Minnie Mouse panties and little Winnie the Pooh underwear. I was helping my wife fold cloths. I picked up a pair of skimpy underwear. I looked at my wife and said: "When you gonna wear these for me?" She goes, "I can't. They're your daughter's." "Aaaaaaahhhhhh! No, No, No!" There was nothing to them! The how-to-wash tag was the biggest piece of cloth on there." - Bill Engvall
6. "I had a rough night. I had a dream that I drank the world's biggest margarita, and I woke up - there was salt around the toilet bowl. That's not good right there." - Larry the Cable Guy.
7. " Always be wary of the Software Engineer who carries a screwdriver." - Robert Paul
8. "Hollywood is where they shoot too many pictures and not enough actors." - Walter Winchell
9. "All men hear is blah, blah, blah, blah, SEX, blah, blah, blah, FOOD, blah, blah, blah, BEER." - Dennis Leary
10. "Nobody believes the official spokesman, but everybody trusts an unidentified source." - Ron Nesen
11. "Common looking people are the best in the world: that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them." - Abraham Lincoln
12. "A good rule of thumb is if you've made it to thirty-five and your job still requires you to wear a name tag, you've made a serious vocational error." - Dennis Miller
13. "If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?" - unknown
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