This morning my our Lucy went to doggie heaven. We knew she was not quite herself today, but her sickness progressed very rapidly. Even a matter of hours would not have helped. I returned home tonight from raising money for the American Cancer Society to find Lucy in her kennel with very shallow breathing. From what we know, she was hemorrhaging internally and we lost her before we knew too much was wrong.
About a week ago I made a post on my personal blog that came across as "hard hearted" in the view of some of my readers. My thought was whatever grief we have to deal with is something God knows about because everything is supposed to be according to His plan. In the case last week, I commented that He will comfort those who need comforting according to His desire and plan, so praying for comfort for someone else was pointless.
Here I am, just 10 days later seeking comfort for myself and for my beloved wife for she loved Lucy as much as any human mother can love her baby.
My heart is heavy because I loved Lucy too, even if there were times I might not have shown it.
My heart is heavy because I had to deal with the physical elements of Lucy's death and the emotion of dealing with the emergency vets who seem extremely cold in dealing with people experiencing emotional trauma and perfectly content to charge these grieving parents exorbitant charges with payment on demand.
My heart is heavy for Amy, for the pain she is feeling and for the guilt and blame she is assigning herself.
My heart is heavy because it was just a week ago that we finally took Lucy for a walk in the National park near our house and we received SO many compliments on how cute and sweet she was.
In my heart I don't know that we will ever own a dog again. Lucy was my first, and I don't know how I feel about trying again. We need some time to heal and to grieve, and I am sorry for the words I wrote last week.
Your prayers for comfort for Amy and me are desired and appreciated.
Right now I feel like drinking, hoping it will ease the pain, but I will not because physically it would be unsafe, and I can't do that to Amy. I just want to say it's what I want to do right now.