Wednesday, January 16, 2008

American Idol - Commentary 2 - Dallas

Okay it's Dallas. They tell us right off some idiot waited in the heat while very pregnant, went into labor and had her baby, which she named Idol. Good Lord.

Jessica Brown - big back story as she's a methamphetamine addict who got hooked on it while in college and decided at recovery group that "Jesus Take the Wheel" was written for her (apparently specifically). She sings "I'll Stand By Yo" by the Pretenders and passes.

Paul Stafford - works for the parks and rec department somewhere. Whoopee. Does this have an impact on his ability to sing or not? We now further find out he's a member of the American Roller Coaster Enthusiasts and basically is a dork. He sings Elliott Yamin "Wait For You" VERY badly. To those who know Jeff Rushing, this guy looks like he could be a long-lost Rushing brother or cousin. :) Oh yeah, and they call him joyful and enthusiastic, but NO!

Beth Maddox loves Kelly Clarkson. Beth "was a singing waitress at a fondue restaurant." She sings a Kelly Clarkson song I don't know, and it sounds really bad. Simon has no idea what it was. The song was called "Beautiful Disaster" and Simon says that's it, a disaster and continues to mock her job asking how much she made in tips.

Esteban Deanda - "It was atrocious"
Victoria Metz, Drucilia Wideman both made the montage of awful.

Elena Whitaker - talk about comparison to Carrie Underwood - useless babble. She will sing "Stronger" by Faith Hill. My opinion, she's not bad, and a cute blond. She should make it, the judges say...Simon, good audition but she's not as good as she thinks. Paula says headiness in the voice, work on breathiness. Three yes votes!

Gregory & Mia Tobias doing a musical play style duet. Weird. The judges look confused. They say nothing and the couple (bro/sis) walk out.

Bruce and his Father - Bruce has never kissed a girl, nor has he ever had an intimate relationship with a girl (he does not say anything about guys though). Instead he shows us a heart and key pendant his dad gave him to give to his bride. Whatever. He tells his story to the judges and Simon says, "Why?" Bruce sings "Ain't no Sunshine." My thoughts, average... not great. Randy says almost. Simon says it may not translate on radio. Paula says no R&B/Blues. Randy, no, Paula no. He asks for advice and Randy says to kiss some girls. Simon says watch out for Ryan on the way out. :)

Pia is a model, musician, and sings background. She chooses something by Gladys Knight. Not my style to appreciate, but she sounds good for the style. Simon says very good and she is interesting. Of course she looks a bit like Grace Jones. He compliments her confidence and style. All three judges say yes.

Brandon from Mississippi (no last name) - Ran asks him about hobbies and he brings out a collection of his "peeled fingernails" which he carries around with him. Really weird. They make some comments about Britney and Paris, and then lead into the fingernail thing. He sings "Rich Girl" by Hall & Oates. I like the voice and style.... the judges.... Simon - forgettable. Paula kind of likes him. Randy likes his tone, but says he has a good voice. Simon and Randy start some debate and try to drag Paula in, she wisely stays out of it. Paula yes, Simon no, Randy yes.

Kayla Hatfield - voice like a weird Kyra Sedgewick in the Closer. Two kids, at 24, and was in a car wreck at 18. What this has to do with singing????? Something about an eye injury and she's dressed like a pseudo-gypsy. Janice Joplin is her choice, not good, lots of screaming. This will be a no. The judges ladle on non-relevant positive feedback. Then surprisingly pass her. If you see/hear this audition, you'll agree with me they are wasting the airfare because she will NEVER make final 24.

Bad montage again, for Erick Mauldin, big guy with falsetto that does not work. Charles Markham tries to be soulful or something. Tristan Clemants the whitest white boy ever, butchers "Think" by Aretha Franklin.

Pretty blond, Katie Malloy, 18 years old and does vocal impressions. Britney, Shakira, and the guy from Rascal Flatts. She sings as Britney and sounds pretty mush on it. So her audition is for Carrie Underwood "Before he Cheats" but they stop her and tell her to sing as herself. So she jumps to "Unchained Melody" and sounds good to me, but they'll get on her for singing with her eyes closed. Randy likes her, Paula likes her, Simon will like her because she's young and pretty. So she is through.

11 others passed on day one.

Second hour, Day 2......

Douglas Davidson, 28 year old student looks like a dork. Trying to restart his singing hobby since he was 16 and read Christina Aguilera say you can hurt your voice if you don't know what you're doing. He asks the judges for permission to warm up. He wanders around the room moaning, weird. His song is "Living on a Prayer" - tone deaf and ill-tempoed. Horrendous (one of the 4 words in the English language ending in dous. Simon "What the bloody Hell was that?" Now Douglas is walking circles around the room moaning at a bottle of water and starts singing/mumbling to himself. If you ever wanted to see schizophrenia, this is it. Now he's back to Bon Jovi, time to call security. They try to tell him no, and he starts singing, AGAIN. Now security arrives and they tell him they are going to take him to a safe place. :)

Angela Riley comes in and she's another gorgeous blond, recently married. Her hubby is a professional model. Simon is looking at papers and not the girl. Now they bring in the hubby and he tells her what song to sing. "Baby Love" by the Supremes. Paula is smiling, Simon is confused-looking. Love is deaf? No, love is blind, Simon. She sings again "Hit Me With Your Best Shot." Simon questions if Chad would buy a record of his wife. The men say it's bad karaoke, but they like her. Paula says shes a beautiful girl, but no. After they leave, Simon says, "He really loves her."

Dumb back story about politics because they have a kid who wants to be elected the next American Idol, Kyle Ensley is a Jr at OSU with a double major and wants to be Governor of Oklahoma. He sings "Somebody to Love by Queen. Simon, "you're not as bad as I thought you would be. a Yes" Randy says it feels glee club or fraternity, like post-debate club. Paula's decision to make the tie-breaker. She asks, this or politics more? He says today, this is the bigger thing, so she says "yes."

Tammy Tizinski - says she's R&B/Pop and compares herself to her idol, Celine Dion who she listens to every day for warmth and strength. I will be puking now. She comes across as very, very dull, and the video segment mocks her for that with elevator music playing behind her. Of course she wants to sing "Power of Love" by Celine. It sounds like a weird cartoon singing in a bottle. Especially weird is she sings the lyrics to "If You Asked Me To" instead of Power of love so she listens to Celine every day, but does not know what song is what. All three say, "no." and the editors pipe in elevator music again as she walks out to Ryan. Some of the editing is pretty cruel, rude, and insulting.

Colton Swan is here, a musician playing guitar, drums and bass. "Boondocks" by Little Big Town is his song. He has a good voice very segmented for bluesy country music.Paula says, "yes." Simon is torn, but says "yes." So it's all three yes. HE gets all three judges to say No loudly for his parents and Ryan to hear, funny.

Ryan is introducing a video package mentioning the nature of the wild west and Texas, and something about the men being men. The package is about women with packages, i.e. transvestite men and those with weird style, clothes.

Next real audition starts with the contestant sitting on his front porch introducing his entire family? Why? Drew Pomprider? Can't tell through the accent, he's a farmer. He sings on his tractor in order to keep his sanity. If he gets to Hollywood it will be his first ever plane ride. Amy mentioned they always have a story like this. George Strait "Check Yes or No" Simon "no, not his thing" we know he hates Country music. Randy likes him and mentions Randy Travis too. Paula is positive, but felt no wow factor. Simon questions the impending no from Paula, but she gives him a yes.

Carl Reinicke, says he's edgy and rocks out, but sounds effeminate and mentions wearing his eyeliner as part of being a rocker. He's a 20 year-old kids counselor. He wants to sing Kelly Clarkson "Never Again" (but he IS a ROCKER and a GUY). This is bad, so it will be no votes across the board. Simon asks if he sings this to the kids. The kids tackled him for it, which might be what he wants, to be tackled by kids between Kindergarten and 2nd grade. The judges say the eyeliner creeped them out. Rocker Idol says it's "guy-liner." Get him out of the room, please.

There are about 15 minutes left in the episode and they do a coming up where we see what they say might be the next King of Pop. Its a guy we saw in preview yesterday, dressed wearing a coat and cape that look like they were taken from a Disney Prince and he's wearing a white, fur-lined pimp hat, and he looks to be from SE Asia, perhaps Vietnam or Laos, so this will be another, look-at-the-funny-foreigner who can't pronounce English well segment I'm sure.

Time for the get everyone bad to sing the same song and it's dedicated to Kelly Clarkson with "Since You've Been Gone." We see Douglass again, and women in weird make-up including a white mime face and a fully green-skinned witch.

Nina Shaw is here, they comment on her beauty. She will sing "Run to You" by Whitney Houston. Not just pitchy, but pitchless. It's over quickly. Simon - Cabaret, Paula - Pageant-like. Nina has another song and they let her sing. Randy likes her and Simon disagrees. Simon - no. Randy - yes. Paula - she shows promise and says yes.

Segment opens on Prince Charming... his words.. "I want audition because this is a privilege, to to sing to the whole world. That's it. If I were an American I-dol, then I would give hope to those who are in despairs and to be strong to be strength." Ryan asks, "Do people welcome you with open arms?" Dude's response, "Yah, and one is doing this (makes arm bowing motion)." Ryan continues to talk about bowing and being bowed to and dude drops to his knees before Ryan. It ends with them bowing to each other. Dude enters the room and Randy is laughing. Paula asks "Why is Simon's name on your hat?" "For two reasons. Everyone everywhere, as long as there is free media, television, radio, speaks the name of Simon. Simon says, "Sometimes when you ask a question, you don't really want to hear the answer." "Secondly...." Randy interrupts and says we don't need or want to hear anymore. He will sing his own song "We're brothers forever" Paula asks what about me then? We have still not seen or heard a name, but he will get a gag contract like William Hung. All seriousness has been removed from the show. Okay, his name is Reynaldo.

24 people made it from Dallas, so with 29 from Philly we have 53 so far. Next week is San Diego.

3 comments:

Bubba's Sis said...

Another great re-cap! I'll be linking to you from my blog again!

From last night I liked Jessica, Alaina, Katy, Kyle (even tho he's a dork), Colton, and Drew.

Bubba's Sis said...

YOOOOUU AAARE MY BROOOOO-THER.....BEST FRIEND FOR-EEEEEVER....

tiggerprr said...

Pretty spot on assessments! I hate the first few weeks of Idol, yet, I can't stop watching! :(