Sunday, December 16, 2007

# 500

Okay, here it is, the 500th post.

Having spent some time thinking about something my brother told me once, I have to agree there is truth to his comment, that the whole proliferation of blogging is simply a way for the average person to boost their ego and hope that others will for whatever reason be drawn to read about and comment (the true ego boost) on what the author has written.

I have accomplished nothing here other than meeting a small handful of people who have become online friends, and for you, I encourage you to write me directly at my email address,

The expression of opinions and feelings publicly is a source of continued misery it seems. When I express my opinions, I find myself being labeled with names I do not appreciate. When I express my personal feelings, I find myself in the whirlpool that I wish I could escape. The world is not about me, and I am the cause of my own destiny. My words and my actions (or lack of words or actions) perpetuate a cycle in which I am unhappy, and I either get told that I am over-reacting or taking things too personally. Today the continuation is that even people I consider friends and loved ones are telling me I am to blame (see the 100% agreement that Carnegie is my savior).

I am almost 37 years old. I am not going to change who I am. I am too far gone. I am not looking for pity or consolation. I simply want you all to stop telling me to change because I honestly believe that I can not. Who I am is a result of my upbringing, the influence of those who raised me (and now participate in blaming me for my own situation, thanks a lot Dad).

So go read my wife's blog. She's widely accepted as a happy and positive person (except when she comes home and talks about how people at work make her miserable). Perhaps things might change in 5-7 years when or if we get to adopt our daughter. We'll see what happens.

In the meantime, have a nice life.

Postscript - those of you who read this and take offense, please do not hold it against my wife. She is concerned that my disfunction will cause her to lose friends, and that is not my desire, especially since I would be held accountable. If you are offended, blame me and reciprocate against me please.


FRIGGA said...

Maybe I should've read this post before the one below... The Carnegie tip isn't so you can change you, but so you can change your supervisor's view of you.

And the whole notion that you aren't going to change yourself is complete bullocks. :-0 Everyone is constantly changing. And YOU are the one who expressed concern with your own attitudes and actions.

Okay, so Carnegie isn't for you - I have another book that will probably help you even more, and if you need actual passage references I can provide those - but I think you can find your answers in the Bible.

Good Luck, and agree or disagree with me, but I consider you my friend, one I wouldn't have if it wasn't for this ego-boost we call a blog. :-)

Valtool said...

Gee, just as I was considering burning this bridge and exploring whether the treatment I receive from sister 2 qualifies as creating a hostile work environment. If I do, I will be joingin the masses of the thin-skinned, grabbing the opportunity to be offended and wanting compensation for the slight. Apparently that is the society we have become, and it would be perfectly within my right to want that.

So, Carnegie, the Bible, and I am my own problem. I am not lashing out at Frigga, but I have heard these before. Are there no opportunities for me to be happy without having to seek help and change, for me to be satisfied with my work and life without having to walk on eggshells?

Valtool said...

I checked the bookshelves in the family room and found I have a copy of Carnegie from some time in my life. I only remember something early in it about getting people to talk about themselves rather than talking about yourself (kinda anti-blog there, ahead of his time). I'll take it to work today and see what happens. As for the Bible, remember I used to sell them for a living and probably own 5 or 6. No great revelation on a happy life there.

Bubba's Sis said...

So this is it for you? No more blogging? I'll miss you.

Special K said...

No words - just hugs! You know I love ya! said...

*grin* I need to move home so we can spend more time honestly make me smile whether you mean to or not. I don't comment much but smiles do occur 9.5 times out of 10 when i get to sit down and and read blogs. Hug your wife for me!

retrodaddy said...

Bro, there's almost always folks in the workplace who aren't going to appreciate your effort, or not particularly get along with you. Don't take it personally, and maintain your professionalism w/o making it emotional. When I've been in those situations, I simply stick to my tasks/responsibilities, with as little thought toward this other person(s) as possible.

I try to make a little game of it. This may read incredibly cheesy, but it works for me: I see how much of the time I can just be the better person. Yeah, it's a bit egotistical, but I need to do something to keep emotion/potential anger in check. Even if no one else in the immediate vicinity appreciates that you've conducted your self with the utmost control and professionalism, people will notice in the long run, and you'll be both the better person and worker for it.

Sometimes, the best thing to really do is tune everyone else out. Not in terms of ignoring them, but by challenging yourself and minimizing the effect of criticisms/expectations you feel others have of you.

Remember, in the grand scheme of things, there's one person's standards you need to meet to make you happy - you.

retrodaddy said...

BTW, pretend the above comment was left in the previous blog post's comment section...

As for this post...yeah, a main purpose of blogging is to attention whore. Part of the reason I wanted to be a journalist was the thrill of seeing my name in print and knowing my work would help shape opinions and perspectives. Damn right there's some ego behind blogging and jouralistic practices in general.

Blogging offers a shamelessly and sometimes embarassingly selfish and myopic commentary on the world at large. However, luckily, we have the freedom to be wrong and/or disliked based on our writings. It's a beautiful thing.
You don't like my opinion on something? Great. Someone else likes my opinion? That's great, too. We'll both move on and live life happily regardless of what you think about what I have to say.

Also, writing can be very cathartic, and that's always a worthwhile venture. f the naysayers.

About not being able to change...f that. I don't care how old you are. And I'll tell you one thing that needs to change about you - you need to stop letting other's comments get to you so much, whether at work or otherwise. Just let things wash over you, man. Sometimes folks are going to try to project a 'them' problem into a 'you' problem. Recognize it as such, give them as little time and effort as you must, and move on and let it go. Just tune 'em out. But make sure to keep an open mind about your weaknesses and realize that at times, even when you don't think you're wrong, you may be wrong. It can be tough to strike that balance, but work on it. I think the key is keeping emotion out of the equation.