Found today at boortz.com
THINGS I WOULD LIKE TO DO ....
.. but I just know I would get the absolute dog squeeze kicked out of me:
Walk up to some guy with a nice brand new car and ask him where he got that nifty dealer sticker on his trunk and ask him if he could maybe get one for me.
Ask some guy with a fat wife: "Did she weigh that much when you married her?" I could ask the same question of some lady with a fat husband, but I really don't care all that much.
Walk up to some clown on a loud Harley and shove something up his exhaust.
Stand at an urban street corner with one of those compressed gas horns. When some jerk comes up with $10,000 worth of woofers in his auto sound system I'll stick the horn in his window and give him a blast.
Hang around a golf tournament and kick the first idiot that screams "get in the hole" right square in the nads.
Stand at the door of a welfare office collecting cell phones.
The next time I encounter a screaming ankle biter in a restaurant just walk right over there and administer a good spanking.
Hang around a grocery check out stand saying "You're welcome" to every person using food stamps as they check out ... just praying that one will say "welcome for what?"
Walk up to some sleeveless walking graffiti display and ask if I can make a rubbing of their tats.