I sometimes feel like I am the most misunderstood person on Earth.
I wrote yesterday trying to express the positive reaction I had to a sermon when factored against the distractions I feel and experience during the rest of the service. I came home to write about it wanting to and actually being about as honest as I can get.
Amy called me at work today, sounding kind of excited about the number of comments my writing generated. For any writer, this could be a positive. We want to be read. We want to prompt reactions. Getting reactions from people is a desire I have too much of an it makes me unlpleasant to be around in some people's eyes. Believe me I know it.
In the psychological sense, I'm sure it boils down to a desire to get attention. I'm a middle child, so that should give me some excuse.
So when I got home today I took my time and finally turned on the computer to see what was being said. I found myself feeling hurt and in some senses bewildered. Let me try to explain.
I may not have the correct word when I say I am feeling convicted. What I mean to say is that the sermon yesterday hit me in a meaningful way. It made me feel as if I am being called to the carpet for some of the things I do and what makes this special is I actually WANT to stand up, acknowledge my shortcomings and try to do something about it!
Isn't that a GOOD thing?
Instead another round of "if you don't like it, leave" got started. I got called self-involved. Well, duh! This is MY blog. A place for ME to write about things in my life, things I am thinking an feeling, to post pictures I have taken..... so yeah, the post was self-involved.
I started writing a comment after the series of 9 comments received. I was going to go through, comment by comment and respond, but then Amy came down to get ready for work and we started talking about the whole post and the comments. I was going to be pretty defensive towards most of the comments, while trying to paint myself in as positive a light as I can manage.
Amy went on to explain she had correspondance with one of the commenters privately, and I got the impression AMy was telling me not to take it personally because the commentor had gotten fed up with numerous OTHER people complaining about elements of our church (yes our church as the commentor attends the same church I do). So I decided to delete what I had typed and start anew with this post.
I do have to say I laughed at one comment. An anonymous commentor said perhaps it's not good to post about my church experience on the blog and that anonymous commentors don't help! I have some ideas who some of my anon people are. I know I can disable the ability of anonymous comments, but it would not accomplish much. If you sign your name with an account ID that says your name is DuckBill7 it would be the same as saying anon. Even some comments from people I know are formatted so you can't reply to them directly.
Looking back at the coments now, it seems pointless that I tried to dance around addressing anyone directly by name, because my description of the comments themselves basically identify what person I am addressing. So, that out of the way alolw me to say this.
Laura, you said in your second comment, "I am just so tired of hearing people complain about the church instead of actually doing something about it. If you find yourself in a service that you continually have nothing good to say then it might be time to explore other church options." So I understnad it is not my words alone that have affected you, but please understand that what I wanted to express in yesterday's post is that I DO have something positive to say about the church WE attend.
I really like the teaching, and there are a lot of people at our church that we know and love because of international adoption, your family included!
As for the things that distract me, there are times that they don't and tha tI really enjoy the music, but I really do wonder what the abstract laser art they show on the screens is supposed to do to enhance the experience? Maybe Carlos could tell me as it is part of what he does for a living?
Speaking of Carlos, there was a post and coments on his blog this weekend that I think tie in a bit here. He wrote about an iconic Christian singer announcing his homosexuality (despite being married and having kids). What followed was a lengthy debate about homosexuality and how the church should handle it and the people involved in it. What I got out of reading the debate was the reminder that we are all sinners. And I think the teachings I have experienced have stated it doesn't matter how great your personal sin is. Any sin will separate you from God and give you the need for Christ to be able to reach God. So pointing a finger and saying "well his sin is worse than mine" won't help anything. Judgement of others is something we all do, even if we say we don't. I know I have been judged by many about things I have said and things I have written. Was I misinterpreted? Did I not express myself as I had intended? Sure. I also know that I have judged others for everything from the miniscule to the monumental.
As I go through life, with an encouraged heart and a stronger desire to change after yesterday's sermon, I hope that some I have wronged will give me another chance. And when I wrong them in a new way, I hope they will also forgive. If we spent a little more time forgiving instead of judging, we might just all be a lot happier!
Oh yes, and if you like music from the 1980's, visit my other blog www.rockingthe80s.blogspot.com !